nobody cares.

{}muni-muni{}

i know somebody out there is stalking my blog.
i don't like people to mess with my personal feelings, rants, and raves.
what i write here, are definately discreet.
there are only a few people who go here, but..
most of them don't read my posts at all.
whatever is written in here, is my own.
nobody can blame me for my opinions and anger.

i'm at peace now..i'm leaving my new self behind.

what i want to be now is my old self.

the one being discriminated, the one left behind, trodden, but doing it the right way: on my own.

you shouldn't blame me now for what i may seem to you.

because, for my entire life, i only hated people when i was not yet in elementary.

two from prep school and a big group of friends from grade 1.

i just hated being the underdog. so i tried to pull them down.

can't blame me, im a cancer, a typical person w/ crab mentality :)

i just disn't want to waste my tears living every day, going to school and being mauled. tears are made for death. smiles are made for life.

we are not a cult for the heck of it. the idea started as a tribute to manuel quezon, and we even put a 20 peso bill in the circle for crying out loud. if you are afraid of curses, that might mean you are ones who believe oldskool. those are not true, for christssake. making mistakes before doesn't mean i can't be a better person now, and noone can blame me for being a freaking activist of some sort.

i am appaled, seing people claiming me as friendly, sweet, always smiling, creative, and funny, when what reaches authority is that i am bad, mean, suplada, and a bully.
some people just won't accept theirselves.
michael and i aren't close enough but from him i hear "wala naman akong nakikitang masama sayo"..

i am sick sad of criying the hell out of me, i am scared, i am worthless, come on and keep it coming.

sissy i may be, for my eyes are getting blurry right now..
and oops..there goes my tears.

carrots, i am just trying to make me stronger. if you think i am too strong, then come tell me. if you think i ain't approachable, then seek me. my friends are my friends. we are friends because we share the same factors. if you think i'm bad, that doesn't mean i shouldn't have friends anymore. i just am sick of it. i really am.

..before u say something about me..look at yourself first. you were the first one to start. who told you to kiss and make-up in UP theater? in front of that many people! who told you to touch and stroke each other even when there is a teacher in front of you. i can say, its bastos, walang hiya, and kahiyahiya.

and more to that, hating people doesn't mean we were the ones who make fun at them all the time. we weren't the ones to tell everyone not to greet jan on her bday. we weren't the only ones hating her. there's a platoon. i don't really want to have enemies. it's just that she's making me wanna hate her. hurt me, but don't hurt jewel, she's a better person than you.

and to authority, i just think you are not very approachable and friendly..
the only ones i can speak to about my problems is Ms. Lily and Mam Arnie.
they're good. they're calm. if i say something, they would'nt get angry at once.
they start new. if i did something before, they'd forget that. so please, be more gentle to students. we are young, unlike you. we are not yet that mature, it's just like telling a crying child "shut up coz you're noisy".



opinion is a human right. if you want us to respect you, make yourself respectable.
i can die if i want to. it's just that i feel there's something better to come, since i'm living in hell. karma it is. the cycle of life. if i receive all bad while i'm young, that means i'll be a famous person when i grow up. :) and i will remember every name that have hurt my feelings, and humiliate them in front of the whole world.:)

tell me now and tell me well.
if you hate me, press ctrl+d.. if you love me, then hate me too.
that's what you want. right?

Schick Schad.

               {}addiction{}

suddenly, my addiction for vanilla is decreasing.
but still, i don't care. i just love vanilla and that's what's important.

              




               {}school{}

ohkay. so kanina, merong demo teacher sa english.
her name was Fritzie yata.
tapos ginreet nya kami ng good morning, at pinaulit pa samin, dapat daw lively.
amp, napansin ko, weird ang accent nya. parang koreano magsalita.
tapos, meron kaming premade nametags sa mga seats namin.
ginawa ni yeyey, nakipagpalit sya ng nametag sakin.
tapos may question ung teacher, ni-raise niya yung nametag.
sabi nung teacher
"i know you are not denise lara kamille. you're a boy!"
tapos nung ako naman yung nagtaas
"you are not jeriel! he is jeriel. you are the real denise"
tapos tinanong ko kay yeyey
"anong accent nya?"
sabi nya
"bisayang ngongo"
and to think of it..bisayang ngongo nga ang dating ng accent nya.
and then nung PA, tinatanong kami kung ano gusto naming food sa menu.
iced tea ang napagkasunduan sa beverage.
tapos dun sa seat ko, sabi ko, ayoko.
sabi sakin ni Raisa at Lizbeth
"ayaw mo pala eh, sabihin mo para maiba"
sabi ko
"ayaw ko, wala naman akong maisusuggest."
standing ovation.
tapos nung lunch pinarinig ko si Ludwin ng mga songs ni Darna (my mp3 player)
na LSS sya sa Dragostea Din Tei, kaya nung test, wala syang masagot, kumanta nalang sya ng Dragostea~!
hahaha.
wala kaming magawa nung social, nag-punch out nalang kami ng stars mula sa hot pink na colored paper.
tapos dinikit ko sa mukha ni yeyey.
mukha syang ulol na may star-shaped chickenpox.

              



               {}muni-muni{}


oh..so..
pumayag na si tin^2 na sumama sakin sa friday sa mcdo. pic ko nga pala to kanina
nung guidance nina gioan,using Lara's phone.
wala lang talaga kaming magawa ni tin^2...kaya pinakialaman nalang
namin yung fone ni Lhars.
portrait lang yan kaya maliit ^____^

eto nga pala mga last text messages na nareceive ko.. wala lang..trip lang ilagay.
from Tahn :
"lotion - 130, mist 105 total s 235 ü"
from jeriel Aka Cute (ang kapal talagang maglagay ng mga lalake ng pangalan sa phonebook ko):
"tnatanong ng nanay ko kng anong edition daw yng libro mo sa bio."
"cnasbi ba dun sa libro kng pano yng computation na tnuturo ngayon ni ma'am?"
pero mas matindi pa rin ung mga smiley face ni Luds.



              

smitten.

               {}addiction{}

i'm really very into vanilla these past few days.
this friday, i'll be meeting up w/ tahn to buy some vanilla lotion and body mist, 100 ml each, for a total of 235 bucks.
all i have to do now is to look for some more reasonable vanilla items, body butter, body scrub, body wash, soap, oil, whatever, as long as its vanilla.
so remember, friday, 4:30 pm sa mcdo katips.



              {}school{}
kakatapos ko lang magbasa ng The Good Earth. Hindi ko alam kung para saan ito binabasa.
pero wala na akong pakialam since tapos ko nang basahin.
So, namatay si O-lan, si father, si uncle at uncle's wife.
nagkaroon si wang lung ng 11 grandsons at 8 granddaughters.
may lintik na slave named Pear Blossom just to add to the names list.
pinabili ko nga si Mame ng 22 pieces ng 1/8 illustration board eh.
hanggang ngayon wala pa siya.
17 boards para sa Propaganda Appeals (para sa health)
at 5 boards para sa project sa Filipino. Greek Gods chenes.
May pasok bukas, at wala akong pakialam.




              {}lovelife{}
what the heck?
kelan pa ko nagkaroon ng lovelife?!
pero aus lang naman ako.
ha-ha-ha.
[lab yu bi] <-pakshet ano toh?




              {}muni-muni{}
sa tingin nyo, bakit hanggang ngayon ay sikat pa rin si Jolina ?
kelan kaya siya malalaos?
baka 20 years from now siya na ang presidente ng pilipinas!
baka gawin niyang Jolina's Fashion capital of the world ang Pilipinas!
uunlad tayo, mehn!
huhulaan ko ang mga happenings bukas.
papasok ako ng late, pipila sa linya para sa flag ceremony,
mag-iingay kasama sina Gioan, Aya, Mikee, Tin^2, Jeng, Lara at iba pa.
magtatanong ang mga tao tungkol sa HRR.
Papasok sa Biology nang walang upuan kaya't to the rescue si Chairman, my trusty white monobloc chair.
makikipag-daldalan kina Krister, Yeyey, Cj, Kyle, Gabes, at iba pang nasa front row (puro lalaki?!maygash!)
Magpapakwento sina Krister at Yeyey ng HRR.
pupunta sa englishh na hindi handa para sa HRR.
Ipapasa ang mala-pornstar kong drawing kay Lotus.
At sisikat ako sa hollywood.

Schweet.

hmm.
por da pers time in my layp, may nag-kitty sakin.
you know kitty?
yung i-fiflick yung chin mo.
nakakatuwa yun.
hehe.
i discovered nga pala na ang opposite sex ay naaatract sa scent ng food.
weird enough, vanilla makes women sodomasochistic.
naglalaro kami ng hangman.
ang topic, artista o sikat na taong laos na o patay na,
pinakanakakatawa talaga si
Spencer Reyes, Wowie Deguzman, bernardo bernardo,lolita carbon,
stefano mori, bobby andrews at iba pa.

manyakis nga ko kanina eh.
pasimpleng manyak.
ehehe!
jok,
di ko naman sinasadya eh.
kc dapat itatali ko around him,
eh hindi ko abot, niyakap ko nalang! ahahahahaah!

pikachu.

This day i declare myself formally a nerd.
i belong to the science club.
we watched csi las vegas.
my brain exploded during algebra.
i hate math.
**
today, i decide to waste P1750.
woot.
nkakagago kaninang P.E.
partner ko si yeyey sa cha-cha.
para syang baby elephant kung sumayaw.
ha-ha-ha.

*insert bioman theme here*

nagtataka ako kung bakit napakaraming mga jologs sa katawan ng mundo.
dapat, sa ilalim ng lupa nalang sila magtungo.
ika nga ni maam go, "sit on the floor."
"hinde mam, sit in the floor"
"hinde...sit under the floor."

pakshet sila.
ano ang punkers?
"punkers ka pala, pareha tayo."
buti nga ndi punkerz ang sinabi nya.

naaalala ko tuloy yung mga jologs na hiffhaf na nakasalubong namin sa esem.

nasa escalator kami, wearing our usually tinag clothes.
tapos may bungeng skwa-skwa na nakasuot ng black na poserwear na gumawa ng "rock on" hand sign
tapos nagsabing "panks!"

ah.
ewan.

story?

this is an html version of i book i printed ^_^
if you want to read the story in doc format (w/ pics),
click here


chapter 1
gray..


gray was the color of her eyes.
everyday, she'll look at the charisma mirror above the white sink.
gray.
when she woke up, she went to her vanity mirror.
it was white.
as plain.
as dull.
an old white hairbrush that she had been using for the last five years was what she used to untangle her hair.


gray..


her gray eyes were staring right back at her.
it's perfect, she thought, as she placed the brush on top of the mirror desk.
her name was Ayame.
gentle as an iris she was.
shy, as it's deep blue petals,
fragile, as it's stalk.
she was sad.
she was mourning for something she cannot even identify.


Ayame tied the curtain holders to the window grills to let the light in,
and sittling by the edge of her bed, she closed her eyes.
it was her favorite color.
she never knew what color it is, but it was her favorite color.
the inside of her eyelids were a pretty color when hit by light.
she called it by the name 'sorrow'.
***

chapter 2
"yame-chan~!" goes the shrill voice of Yukari, Ayame's best friend every morning.

Yukari was different.
She was always happy.
nothing seemed to trouble her.
Ayame wished she could be like that.

it was the first day of classes after spring.
the leaves were starting to crisp, some fall, some stay, making a rich brown river of trees along the stone-paved streets.

Yukari squeezed the faux furball hanging from her cinnamoroll cellphone pouch.

"what have you been up to for the last ten days?" Yukari asked.

"oh, me... you know me, i'm always idle." Ayame replied, indifferently, looking at her doll shoes.

Yukari unzipped her pouch and clutched her pink cherry-printed flip-phone.

"well, well.. that might mean you haven't heard of the news yet,"
Ayame looked up.

"what news?"

"our school isn't an all-girl exclusive school anymore. there will be boys to throw rocks at now," Yukari said with a slight giggle.

The two entered their classroom,
a well lit room midway across the second-year isle, then passed the beam upon the door with a big "II-B" on it.
Ayame sat down at the last chair on the last row, right next to the window, where from there you can perfectly see the 2-decade old acacia tree, with it's almost all-brown coat.
Yukari took the seat next to her.
"guess we're too early.." yukari said, pouting like a baby.
the two went outside the building, to wait for their other classmates.
***
chapter 3
"there is a rainbow..there is a rainbow under the clouds...there is a rainbow under the clouds"

"raindrops..raindrops..."

i don't understand..i don't understand...

"miss Ayame..."

she woke up.

"miss Ayame...read page 92 please.." the teacher repeated.
"My black hair tangled
As my own tangled thoughts,
I lie here alone,
Dreaming of one who has gone,
Who stroked my hair till it shone." ayame spoke like she was awake the whole time.
"good now, miss ayame, next time, don't sleep in my class." the teacher said.
"now, i want you to make a piece of verse, no, a poem..any form can be used, more than one poem submitted will be very appreciated".
ayame grunted.
she felt a hand fall gently upon her shoulders.
"yukari, none of your jokes right now," she said.
"who's yukari?"
ayame looked behind her.
it was a new student. of course, all new students are boys.

"my name is Toshi, what's yours?"
"me...i'm..my name is ayame..and i'm antisocial."
"hrrm? well, that's queer. i like that."
surely, she thought, this man isn't smart.
"ahh..now i know.. i'll make a haiku for you.."
"nnn---?"
"ayame... ayame is an angel from the sky..no..greater than an angel from the sky..."
"ayame is only three syllables..and the rest is more than seven."
"nn? yeah..guess i'm not very good at this..you know, i'm slow.."
"i thought so too."
"what?"
"oh, don't mind me, i'm crazy."
"ohh...hehe. here, take this..this is my first-day-of-classes-gift for you!"
out of his pocket, he got a small stuffed toy.
it was a tiny pink rabbit, it's eyes were a darker shade.
sorrow. Yukari thought as she noticed the color of the rabbit's eyes.
"her name is Momo...take god care of her."
***
chapter 4
the soft breeze tapped on Ayame's round window.

the sheen of the moon was silent.
it's cold glow was ghastly.
death-like stellars glittered the velvet of the night.

She changed clothes, a soft pastel blue dress with laced edges,
threw her top in the bin, and hung her skirt inside her closet, for she used one skirt twice if it didn't get very dirty.

out of her skirt pocket dropped the little bunny Toshi gave her.
poor thing...i have forgotten about you, she said.
slowly, she picked the bunny up, and placed it next to her while she lay in bed.
Ayame noticed a slight gash on the bunny's bottom,
that imp! thinking of giving me some piece of trash..filth!, she thought.
Momo's eyes looked up at hers.
sorrow. she thought again.
having pity for the bunny's sorrow-tinted eyes, she mended the gush.
she was not good at it as she expected, but what's important was that she kept the batting from spilling out.
gee..you're not bad after all.
saying this, she remembered Toshi.
Toshi gave Momo.
she blushed.
what the heck.

he was stupid, she knew, he was slow, he was dumb.
he said the most meaningless things.
he seems so worthless.
if i have one hairstrand for every ignorance he has, i'd be a chow-chow.
still, the thought of him seeped in her mind.
shaking her head, she stuck Momo under her pillow, turned the lamp out and she went to sleep.
***

yoghurt, yoghurt.

i'm currently looking for an mp3 player+voice recorder.
something around 2k.
and i'm getting frustrated,
thinking that i have to earn money for that
when i don't even have a freakin job.
i wish kids can have jobs too.
i save around 500 pesos a week.
so that means one month is 2000 for me.
i'm not a very patient person, so..
i can't save more than 2000.

to my wan en only sugarbebe,
i have one word and one letter for you,...













PAK Q.

funkify!

nagpalit na ng seating arrangements sa fil.
pero katabi ko pa rin si kyle.
yak.
na-flatter naman ako dahil nasama ako sa listahan ng mga
"powerhouse" sa section namin (kinabibilangan ni gabes at lizbeth.)


so it is real.
trip nga ni luds si tin^2.
i knew it.
kadiri.
di sila bagay.



hehe.
swerte naman ng aking butihing kaibigang tin^2..
swerte sa manliligaw.

syet. gusto akong katabi ni ****************.
heherrr..
mag-fifishnet stockings ako bukas.
roar,

crap in the name of boogie.

eto nga pala yung cheer na ginawa ni maam go:



"le-----t's go-------- so-----phies-------
kamon and feel the beat! (drum!drum!)
kamon and feel the cheer! (drum!drum!)"



and here's our own version:


"le-----t's go-------- so-----phies-------
kamon and feel the beat! (drum!drum!)
kamon and feel the cheer! (drum!drum!)
regenerate the heat!

regenerate!

rejuvinate!
akyat tayo bundok
pitas tayo mango
doon tayo kukuha ng POWER!"



obviously enough, walang sense.






FOR MORE DRAMA, READ AHEAD (get ready..)
grades.



English---- 88
P.A.--------- 84
Soc. Stud--- 87
Biology---- 85

nagbubunyi ako dahil mas mataas ako sa karibal ko sa english.
roary.myton roary..
i just hope i can talk more with my beautiful.
haaay.
he who can say the most meaningless things.
the less meaning, the deeper it gets.

i'm still looking for some new horror/suspense/thriller/gore flick/comedy/drama asian movies.
drat.

tomorrow is my doom day.
saturday is my day of destruction.