Tuesday, September 27, 2005

nobody cares.


i know somebody out there is stalking my blog.
i don't like people to mess with my personal feelings, rants, and raves.
what i write here, are definately discreet.
there are only a few people who go here, but..
most of them don't read my posts at all.
whatever is written in here, is my own.
nobody can blame me for my opinions and anger.

i'm at peace now..i'm leaving my new self behind.

what i want to be now is my old self.

the one being discriminated, the one left behind, trodden, but doing it the right way: on my own.

you shouldn't blame me now for what i may seem to you.

because, for my entire life, i only hated people when i was not yet in elementary.

two from prep school and a big group of friends from grade 1.

i just hated being the underdog. so i tried to pull them down.

can't blame me, im a cancer, a typical person w/ crab mentality :)

i just disn't want to waste my tears living every day, going to school and being mauled. tears are made for death. smiles are made for life.

we are not a cult for the heck of it. the idea started as a tribute to manuel quezon, and we even put a 20 peso bill in the circle for crying out loud. if you are afraid of curses, that might mean you are ones who believe oldskool. those are not true, for christssake. making mistakes before doesn't mean i can't be a better person now, and noone can blame me for being a freaking activist of some sort.

i am appaled, seing people claiming me as friendly, sweet, always smiling, creative, and funny, when what reaches authority is that i am bad, mean, suplada, and a bully.
some people just won't accept theirselves.
michael and i aren't close enough but from him i hear "wala naman akong nakikitang masama sayo"..

i am sick sad of criying the hell out of me, i am scared, i am worthless, come on and keep it coming.

sissy i may be, for my eyes are getting blurry right now..
and oops..there goes my tears.

carrots, i am just trying to make me stronger. if you think i am too strong, then come tell me. if you think i ain't approachable, then seek me. my friends are my friends. we are friends because we share the same factors. if you think i'm bad, that doesn't mean i shouldn't have friends anymore. i just am sick of it. i really am.

..before u say something about me..look at yourself first. you were the first one to start. who told you to kiss and make-up in UP theater? in front of that many people! who told you to touch and stroke each other even when there is a teacher in front of you. i can say, its bastos, walang hiya, and kahiyahiya.

and more to that, hating people doesn't mean we were the ones who make fun at them all the time. we weren't the ones to tell everyone not to greet jan on her bday. we weren't the only ones hating her. there's a platoon. i don't really want to have enemies. it's just that she's making me wanna hate her. hurt me, but don't hurt jewel, she's a better person than you.

and to authority, i just think you are not very approachable and friendly..
the only ones i can speak to about my problems is Ms. Lily and Mam Arnie.
they're good. they're calm. if i say something, they would'nt get angry at once.
they start new. if i did something before, they'd forget that. so please, be more gentle to students. we are young, unlike you. we are not yet that mature, it's just like telling a crying child "shut up coz you're noisy".

opinion is a human right. if you want us to respect you, make yourself respectable.
i can die if i want to. it's just that i feel there's something better to come, since i'm living in hell. karma it is. the cycle of life. if i receive all bad while i'm young, that means i'll be a famous person when i grow up. :) and i will remember every name that have hurt my feelings, and humiliate them in front of the whole world.:)

tell me now and tell me well.
if you hate me, press ctrl+d.. if you love me, then hate me too.
that's what you want. right?

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